On Finding Home

Dear quarter lives, 

It seems that much of our twenties is shaped by this need to find our place in the world. To find where we belong. Where we are meant to root and grow and flourish. Many will travel far in pursuit of their dreams of belonging. Many will return to where they once left, only to realise that perhaps here is where it all is after all. Home is where we are. Home can be made anywhere as long as we are willing to make one. The thing is most of us expect to find it, to find this feeling of belonging, like we do with happiness. We pursue it, we chase it, even though we know deep down that belonging isn’t to be found, it is to be nurtured and created by us for us.

And when we finally decide to make a home for ourselves, first we will feel the need to choose a physical space and when we are in the process of choosing this space, we will find that we need to at least be able to picture ourselves living in that space, laughing in it, crying in it, belonging through it. It is important to note here that this space we are projecting our feelings of belonging onto does not in fact belong to us, it is merely a vessel through which we can channel our belonging-ness. Whether the space is shared with a partner or whether you are inhabiting it all on your own, you will notice that the space will soon resemble you and you it. Just like partners begin to look like one another, their features merge, the edges of their faces soften to meet the other’s, we too begin to soften as we grow closer to meet the world. We soften as we begin to realise we belong to the world. That here, everywhere, is our home. And that we, are the world’s home, too.

One piece of advice I have for all those in the earlier half of their twenties, don’t look so hard. Everything you actually want is closer than you think. But perhaps it is easy for me to stop seeking now because I’ve tried it. I’ve exhausted myself looking for where I belong, not realising how futile of an endeavor that was, since it is obvious that I belong everywhere. It can be overwhelming at first to realise that there isn’t perhaps a “meant-to-be place” for anyone, that we can all make the best of where we are, that the secret to a happy life is right in front of us and not as magical as we’d like it to be — and that all it really takes to live a good life is to first decide you actually want to live a good life and then to do the work it takes to see goodness again.

To all those struggling to root, it is okay to feel out of place. It is a natural part of growing up. Many of us leave our primary homes when we go to university and spend another whole decade searching for a new one. We search and search, trying to find the ideal place to root. But really everywhere is ideal to root. The thing is it is not a country or specific apartment we are rooting ourselves permanently in, it is this earth we are rooting permanently to. We are saying to her I accept you, I accept that I belong to you, I accept that you are my home. A lot of the innerwork I have done in my late twenties was in regards to rooting. I spent months meditating twice a day with the intention of grounding myself. And it is this grounding that has made me feel at home in my body and at home on this earth. It is this grounding that makes me feel safe enough to surf the darker turfs of my mind, because I know I am anchored well and can afford to imagine deeply if I wanted to. It is so so important for our minds to feel at home because if they don’t, they will constantly be overthinking, overworking and ultimately overheating trying to protect you from danger, because you see your mind needs confirmation from you that this is home and that it is safe to let your guard down. Your mind is waiting for you to realise that the earth has got you, that your angels got you, that god has you. So I cannot stress this enough: it is absolutely vital for the health of our minds that we root! Much of the intensity of whatever your mind presents will fade when you root. Downs won’t feel like you’re endlessly falling but rather perhaps a more controlled shallow dive where you are certain there is ground beneath you and air above you if you should need either. Feeling at home in yourself will not only change your experience of your mind but your whole world. And the first place where you will feel at home is in your heart, and when you’ve gotten used to your heart, travel to the rest of your body until finally you reach your mind, and you will find that all has calmed and settled. You have done it. You have found home.

With all my love and always for peace, 

S.A.  

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