Solutions to decision-making

Dear quarter lives,

As a young child, we were taught at school to follow the rules and do as told. Free-thinkers and rebellious children who feel called to act differently to the rest of the group are deemed troublesome. They are told to behave and do as told and not what they feel. They are told to stop thinking for themselves. Flash forward 10-15 years later, when these very kids enter university and the work force, and all of a sudden they are expected to make big life decisions themselves. Now, they do not have someone telling them what the “right” thing to do is. Now, they must think, feel, and decide for themselves. Sadly, now, after all these years of being trained out of thinking for themselves, they cannot. Now, we have young adults who were taught to disconnect from their natural instincts and inclinations, they were trained to distrust all the signals telling them to do what felt right to them. Now, as grown ups, they cannot decide for themselves. They are so disconnected from that internal source that used to tell them as a child what to do but it is too the very thing they were told was trouble. Now, we have young people who fear their own internal voice because they were told it was bad. No wonder so many of us are afraid to just be ourselves, because our whole lives, ourselves were deemed unacceptable if we deviated from the “norm”.

The reality of the matter is that most of us will fall outside of that box of norms because what are norms really but a random set of silently agreed upon rules and codes of conduct that are specific to a particular group of people, and what is normal somewhere might be completely unacceptable somewhere else just because that’s how the story of those people evolved, and not because there is a singular “best” or “true” version of the human being we must all aspire to become. There are endless possibilities to how a human being can be, but we have limited ourselves to only allowing a select few to express themselves. For authentic humans to exist again, we need to make room for them, not only in our minds but in our societies. We need to encourage differences, instead of condemning them. For our true voices to reveal themselves to us, they need to feel safe to come out. Until they do, they will remain hidden and so long as our voices remain hidden, we will remain hidden. So it is absolutely necessary for us to find our voices if we are to ever find our authentic selves again.

Cultivating that connection with our internal voices is definitely no easy task, but without it, I don’t see how we can ever come to peace with ourselves again. Now whenever you feel daunted by any decision you have to make, reassure yourself that it is not your fault, reassure yourself that it is perfectly normal after all those years of militarised standardised education we were subjected to as young children with very malleable minds to grow up to be adults that struggle deeply with decision-making. Remind yourself that your voice is not lost, even if you can’t hear it clearly right now, you will again someday. That is why we meditate, to cultivate enough stillness, enough silence, to be able to hear that voice we lost so long ago.

Without our own voice guiding us, we shall remain lost, we shall remain afraid, and we will always feel torn apart because we actually were. So to myself, to all the young souls searching for their voice, may you meet again with that sweet beloved you lost. Do not give up on your Self; do not let the silence scare you away. Believe me – you are already living your worst nightmare because there is no greater loss, no greater trauma than to be severed from our Selves. So find your stillness to find your voice and come to peace again.



December 6, 2020 — Sakkara, Egypt

Free to express

Dear quarter lives,

There are people in this world who express themselves well, and there are people in this world who wish to express themselves well. Then there are others who think they express themselves well; it is those that require the most work. It is those that are most resistant to work on themselves, because they already think they are there. One should never stop working on themselves. That does not mean that one is never good enough. It simply means that there is always further to go and higher to grow. It means that our expansion is limitless. It means that if we wanted, we could grow forever. It means that if we wanted we could be as big or as small as we liked. It means that growth is not an automated process as it might appear when we observe our physical growth from child to adult. It means that growth is a choice. It means that growth happens only when and if we will it. And it means, too, that we are free to will whatever and whenever we like.

You see, to be free to express oneself is not about the ability to say one’s opinions eloquently or share many words or even articulate what you think is yourself. To be free to express oneself means to recognise one’s freedom of will in choosing this life, in choosing to grow or to stop growing. We always have the freedom to choose, but we don’t always recognise we have it. And it is the recognition of our own freedom that frees us from our own limiting beliefs. It is not the “big bad corporations” that shackle us, it is our own selves that hold us back, because they are scared, and understandably so, for the weight of responsibility is not an easy one to carry. It is much easier to throw the responsibility of one’s life over onto someone else — often it is a parent and often too it is a government. You see, to be free to exercise our own will means we must recognise we have will, and to recognise we have will means taking responsibility for all of our life — the whole thing without exceptions. And it is the weight of that responsibility for ourselves that scares us away from our own freedom. It is the fear that if we are accountable for all of it, then we cannot blame others anymore, we cannot point fingers at an-Other, we cannot say anymore They are the reason my life is this way or that. And when we begin to turn this disappointment, anger and resentment inward, there is always fear when we realise that it is not others we have disliked, it is ourselves. And unlike other people, we cannot get away from ourselves so instead of facing ourselves, many who cannot endure the confrontation with Self try to escape from seeing themselves for who they really are and project themselves instead onto the outside world. But there is no running away, because YOU are everywhere.

The universe has gifted us this year with time, time to reflect, time to reconsider our choices, time to recognise our freedom to express our will. We have been blessed to collectively be going through something together. Community in hardship can sometimes be sweeter than community in celebration. There is community all around you, but you must choose it, you must want to be a part of it. Wait not for it to come to pick you. Do not give away your power to something else to come find you. Reclaim your power from all those you have handed it over to. It is never someone else that takes away our power, it is us who choose to give it away and it is always only us who can return it back to ourselves. You free yourself when you choose to see yourself. You can only see yourself when you are ready to take responsibility and own every part of it. You are not a product of someone else’s choices, you are a product of your own choices. Only when you can see that will you be free to express your truth and make choices that are in alignment with that truth.

Always for peace,